When in Dom...

As previously mentioned, myself and U***e D****n participated in the Tilbury House IV, in Cologne, Darren having found himself with some unexpected time on his hands. I had misread the title of the IV so I was expecting the Pillsbury Doughboy so imagine my dissappointment when Darren corrected my misexpectancy. Though Derek did turn up to C.A. in the end. Not for the first time did we "do a Camilla"*. Still the competition was well run so I like to publicly congratulate the convenor Miss Nomer, I think that was her name.

I've always enjoyed speaking with Darren. His oratory, like his prose, is not the best, but I suppose it could be verse. Our debate on pornography was in many ways like a good porno: it was hot and sweaty, had 8 people, we felt dirty afterwards and we only did it because people were watching. (Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.)

Daz and I climbed the Kölner Dom on the Sunday. Which was nice.

The journey home was delayed because we were held up at Liege, due to trains on the line.


* the act of being royally screwed.

Let's get the FARC out of Ecuador

Not much to report at the moment...

The Eircom league season kicked off again this week and Bohs won. Life is good.

Last night, (I remember it as if it were yesterday) there was a bit of a kerfuffle in the kitchen in the flat. Two friends of a flatmate were staying over and they got into an argument. They were making so much noise that I could tell that it was gonna get medieval. The rest of the cokotteurs were onlooking in their PJs when I came down to see if everything was alright in my underpants. It all blew over and in the end I had no need to whip out the paddling pool filled with mud. Shame. If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.

Fresh from their antipodean cruise the parents tell me that I won't recognise the house. New beds, an extension, paint job. And they've moved.

My diet has changed recently due to cutbacks, it still fit for a king, but now it's for one who's abdicated.

I'm off to Cologne next weekend for a Debating IV, I was planning on doing a little souvenir shopping but when you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

I got my camping ticket for the summer's big gig in Punchestown: Jamboree 2008. I'll be writing for the Jamboree's daily publication. Hard hitting articles such as:

"Dead tomato found in Dun Áilinne, Galway camp chef is chief suspect"
"Ten things you wanted to know about that Dublin troop opposite you, but were afraid to ask"
"I'm so hungry, I could murder a brownie"
"This is going to be grate: fun with coat hangers"

...so that's at least one gig involving regularly churning out comedy gold for a captive audience that I'll be getting up to later this year.

All Issues available here.

Mid-term is fast approaching, thank god; I'm always happy to get the first leg over.

Talk cha.

Remember: Without geometry, life is pointless.

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stoopid...

"Well, I'm back"

I've been in Dublin the past 10 days. Níl aon tinteán mar do thinteán féin, seachas, mo thinteán. Back in October I decided that I'd be better off cutting Christmas in Dublin in favour of waiting for the Trinity IV. Good choice. Best fun I've had in months. I met a lot of new people but you'll have to excuse me, I've a terrible face for names. 'Specky' they call me, and 'bandy nose'...

Stopped for some food in the airport before I got the bus home, typically the food was cold, I made a complaint and the woman says to me "I'm sorry, I don't work here", then she just walks off towards the exit. Ignorant bitch. Niall's bidet on Friday started the week off with a bang, and a kip on his couch, (3 months away from home and I couldn't even stay on the Northside for one night).

Saturday, went out with some guys from Aughrim Street. Back to Nat's house and 'Cars' in HD, another night on a couch in a residence that wasn't mine. On the way home stopped off at the GMB for some IV cinematography. I still got the funny. Later on Sunday, Christmas dinner with the family, and I met my 13 month old niece for the second time.

The rest of the week was taking up by all things debate. Schoolies on Monday on about pharmaceuticals in the third world. Twas my first attendance at a debate in months, I remember it like it was tomorrow. Wednesday, judging workshop, first opp-ed banning private schools, with Ctolm. He and I both did 6 years in C.U.S., but not at the same time. F*ck me I'm old! - to borrow from Hefner parlance.

Wednesday night chaired private business again, It's a tough job but somebody's got to do it. Then did my second speech in a row in the chamber without notes, this one on immigration. Good times.

Thursday came the workload, The Kingsmill-Moore invitational, which surprisingly didn't have a Hist team, myself and Costigan having decided to let the Earley Brothers compete instead. I'm kind of nice like that sometimes. Oh in case I forget I've got a great story involving Costigan and some Sheep, but I'll save that for a later date. The last week in April, perhaps. Set up the Hist Conversation room for the feeding of the fifty, let Jamie think he was making the decisions, god bless him! The motion for the final was "That this house would abolish private property", and became a Capitalism/Communism argument. The GMB is a lot like a commune. Except without the free love or the Jonestown-style mass suicides.

Friday, I paid fees for second half of the year, not so good times.

The powers that be decided I was worthy of a Trinity student card (the fools!). Headed back over to The GMB where there was work to be done. Not for the first time in my life I was packing. A little later it was my finger on the button to play said IV Videos. The films were shot in the GMB, as the director should have been. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers, or the ability of people in large numbers to misread webpages, scrolled at an acceptable rate, in which their only job is to get a room number, and a position in a debate. Meanwhile Chris (4 Ents) & Orla were running around looking for a good beating stick, but they soon found out the main problem about running an IV, you just can't get the staff.

Saturday, packed my bag for Sunday's flight and went back to the GMB, where else, for some more button pushing. However due to the reluctance of a team from NUIG to turn up on day 2 of the IV, myself and Darren got to Dummy in two rounds. We'll be competing in the Tilbury House IV in Cologne in March so it was good practice. Last year we racked up 10 points dummying, this year we got 5 from two rounds. We still have it. I love dummy speaking almost as much as after-dinner streaking. It's not that I like the sound of my own voice, it's just that I like hearing myself speak. The first motion centred around a guy who wanted to drive the Jews into the sea, but not the way Moses did it, he actually wants to get them wet. It was while I was comparing the Iranian President's legitimacy to that of The King of say, Spain, that I on at least four occasions said "The King Of France", but would anyone have the courtesy to tell me what I was saying? No bleeding way. Of course it wouldn't be the last time i said summit stupid on that day.

Ross and Maggs walked away with all the prize money, but they were caught and made to return it.

Saturday night, another great final and night out. Unfortunately, I dance like I wank: it's fun, but it's not advisable in public*. After a few long goodbyes I left the club with a fwown on my face.

The next morning it was off to Belgium, not Spain with me for another few months. I've got a strange feeling I'll be back soon: I wish I knew how to quit you, (as Heath Ledger said to his dealer). A funny thing happened on the way back, but not to me.

It was cold when I got back, I made a pair of snow-shoes, but the heat of my feet melted them. Oh dear, what a pity never mind.

Went downstairs to the train station under the airport and bought my ticket back to LLN, "change in Leuven" they told me, why I couldn't just get it there, I'll never know.

I leave you with the latest bit of good news for fat people: thin people are delicious!


*(I was considering using the phrase "human consumption" there, but that would have been tasteless.)