Hey Trinity Ballers...

Hey Trinity Ballers,
What was it like in Dublin City?
I'm 1000 K away, but sure
I know I don't feel as shitty,
As you do,
Mortals can't drink as much as you,
I swear it's true.

Hey there ball girls,
You didn't worry 'bout the distance,
Now your ankles are all swollen,
And you still look & smell like you're pissed:
Bloodshot-eyes,
Your little toe is part incised,
and you bruised your side.

Oh it's the Ball in Trinity,
For which I've no affinity,
I can't say it was shitty,
For I'd be sued by MCD,
(tho, they can't get to me)...

Hey there tuxedos,
Your dried vomit's getting hard,
A fiver says that you can't name that girl,
But cootees can leave a scar,
Did you get wood?
Your momma always said you would,
That blo was good.!

Hey there hangovers,
I've got so much left to say,
Multi-syllabic words may confuse you,
Plains White Pills take pain away,
Don't take them all,
You'd be even likelier to fall,
The Gards, they'd call.

Oh it's the Ball in Trinity,
Über masculinity.
With gladragged femininity,
Endangering virginity,

80 quid seems pretty far,
Did you get within a mile of the bar?
Or did you smuggle it in, having no other way?
Were you on the morning's first bus?
Or did you fall asleep because you did not drink Red Bull along the way?
No matter what, I promise you,
You'll do the same thing next year too,
The world will change but the ball will be the same,
And you're to blame.

Hey there young Ballers,
That rented suit used to look spiffy,
But those beers have ruined the colours, fool!
And now it smells quit iffy- and the bruise!
That smell is coming out of you,
You can drink wherever you want to,
Yes all that lovely beer's for you,
It'll make you spew...

Oh it's the Ball in Trinity,
Yes the Ball in Trinity,
Not much rhymes with Trinity,
Not much is less than infinity,
Less then infinity.

All I want for christmas...

Santy, won't ya buy me an iPod Nano^tm,
Or an MP3 Walkman^tm, or Creative Zen Micro^tm,
My friends all have podcasts, I need to downlo-ad,
Santee-ee-ee, won't ya buy me an iPod Nano^tm.

Santy, won't ya buy me a Nintendo DS^tm,
Compared to real ones, Nintendogs^tm make less mess,
I know I got XBox^tm, but never-the-less
Santee-ee-ee, won't ya buy me a Nintendo DS^tm.

Santy, won't ya buy me two (blonde) Swedish twins,
I ain't got much history, but I'd get stuck in,
I could ask for triplets (with one just watchin'),
DadSantee-ee-ee, won't ya buy me Swee-ee-dish twins.

A Poem...

Well the loo in the hostel wouldn't flush,
So out to the garden I did rush,
As my bladder was weak,
I had a quick leak:
Well they say scouts 'do it in the bush'.



Fin.

I'd like to apologise in advance.

If you ain't got no money ask for more from home,
You say it: If you ain't got no money ask for more from home,

E R A S M U & an S, yeah

E R A S M U & an S.

You're ridin' first class,
Hiding from guards,
Dunno if you'll pass,
The course is so hard,
You're clothes are all stained,
But you can't change,
It's not a Socrates,
It's Erasmus, Erasmus,
'Twas Socrates,
Now its Erasmus, Erasmus,
Not using a toothbrush:
You floss, floss,
The Erasmus,
The Erasmus, Erasmus,
Not using a toothbrush,
So you floss floss.

Food is such an expensive thing,
Best before don't mean a thing.
What's the french for "diarrhoea"?
You can't afford the doctor to see- ugh!
Your diet is kind of lean:
Next week's food is turning green,
Packs of chickpeas,
Tins of beans,
The cockroaches have got fleas.

No BK, or Taco Bell,
No Pizza Hut or McDos- hell!
Not even a Happy Meal,
Wondering which of your livers to sell,
Now your stomach and guts are bollixed,
You're going to try some probiotics
such as "lactobacillus casei-immunitas"(!?)

You're ridin' first class,
Hiding from guards,
Dunno if you'll pass,
The course is so hard,
You're clothes are all stained,
But you can't change,
It's not a Socrates,
It's Erasmus, Erasmus,
'Twas Socrates,
Now its Erasmus, Erasmus,
Not using a toothbrush:
You floss, floss.
The Erasmus,
The Erasmus, Erasmus,
Not using a toothbrush,
So you floss floss.

A clean shirt?
- in your dreams!
Falls a part at the seams!
You reserve nothing for your sole job interview,
"L'aspir-a-teur": You've no clue,
What to do with it.
Got enough money in the bank for a wash OR dry.
Never gonna find enough Euros,
By theft or bank giros,
Can't make your weekly payments,
You're hiding in the basement,
Half a packet full of stones,
Good for calcium for the bones,
Hey if you ain't got no money ask for more from home.

E R A S M U & an S, yeah

E R A S M U & an S

You're ridin' first class,
Hiding from guards,
Dunno if you'll pass,
The course is so hard,
You're clothes are all stained,
But you can't change,
It's not a Socrates,
It's Erasmus, Erasmus,
'Twas Socrates,
Now its Erasmus, Erasmus,
Not using a toothbrush:
You floss, floss.
The Erasmus,
The Erasmus, Erasmus,
Not using a toothbrush,
So you floss floss.

You got problems up to here,
You got people in your ear,
Telling you these "helpful" things,
That you don't wanna know.
Got no money in the bank,
And so your high standards have sank,
(eh, bank it rhymes with "wank",
In case you didn't know.)

Cause you remember yesterday,
When you dreamt about the days,
When you'd get your liberty,
But it's not great you know:
Now your living in a hole,
And this basement is so cold,
You gotta let yo' daddy know,
Go let yo' daddy know.

If you ain't got no money ask for more from home,
That basement is so cold,
If you ain't got no money ask for more from home,
So let yo' daddy know,
If you ain't got no money ask for more from home,
And if he just says "So?"
If you ain't got no money ask for more from home,
Then just become a ho...